This article contains information that is not suitable for kids. If you have kids, keep them away.
I was taking a stroll out with Rainbow Dash. She was doing ballet with a big light bulb in her hand-er-hoof. I thought she looked pretty cute. "Holy crap!" I said. "That's one cute costume you're wearing." "Gee, thanks. My pleasure," said Rainbow Dash, blushing. We went out some more. We spotted a prairie dog with giant claws that could rip my intestines out. Me and Rainbow Dash screamed and ran away. It was like when Nightmare Moon wanted the night to last forever. Then, we remembered that time. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy came along with Applejack and Rarity behind them. I was so glad to see them. Then, Twilight Sparkle came with her new princess wings. I gasped. What beautiful wings! They were like a unicorn who just grew wings.
Chapter 2We were playing at the beach by the shore. Then, a giant king crab came and pinched my right testicle. I screamed. I had to go to the doctor. Yes, I am a boy. Applejack blamed the bowl-sized king crab for pinching a part of my penis. He got sad and walked away. Soon I was in a boobytrap and a giant pony cut off my Cutie Mark. It was the doctor. He only took care of bad people. He ripped open my body and cut my intestines out. I bled to death. Someone revived me, but I was very weak. What would my life be like if an organ (other than my appendix) got taken out? AND intestines are part of my digestive system.
Applejack was in bed and Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dashed in her room! "Quick, Applejack, we must go now!" she said. Replied Applejack, "Really? Just, really?" Bah, stupid brat... she thought. "Oh shit!" Rainbow Dash didn't care at all! "We need you! Or else...I'll cut a chainsaw through your head!" Applejack began to sing:
"I hate those nasty bitches,
Brats, cunts, and bad snitches,
I don't want to be killed,
Or else I'll feel very ill."
Chapter 4Fluttershy took to her vagina. "I don't want a fight!" she said. "Fight me!" I whinnied. My mane flowed all the way. Fluttershy didn't want to fight. She just wanted to enjoy a bottle of tea. "Quite," she said. She didn't think she needed to pay. She didn't care after she got her period. She stuck out a gun. "YOU DUMB BITCH. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." "Fine, kill me," I said. "I don't care anymore. Go shoot me with your retarded laser gun." She was too busy, because she was having tea. "Oh well," I said, walking away from that mean ol' Fluttershy.
Chapter 5Pinkie Pie said "I'll give this bitch a cupcake. And bitches love cupcakes." "Eeyup, cupcakes," said Big McIntosh. While Fluttershy enjoyed her tea, "Pinkamena Diane Pie" was ready to cook Rainbow Dash for breakfast. I will slay the devil, thought Pinkamena. Big McIntosh pulled the rope and cut Dash's insides. Fluttershy was disturbed from her tea. "BE QUIET!" she screamed as loud as she could.
I was tired of all this violence. "Please stop. There's no need for violence." Everypony stopped. Fluttershy stopped drinking her tea. Pinkie Pie stopped cutting Rainbow Dash's skin. "Alright, everypony. Does anypony know where Twilight Sparkle is?" "I don't know," they said. I facepalmed myself. Where could Twilight be? Fluttershy looked in her cup and said "Uh oh. The tea's all gone." She zoomed away like Rainbow Dash to get some more.
Fluttershy came back from Starbucks with a cup of tea. "Oh shit!" said Rainbow Dash. "I can't grab that tea from you! I'm too weak!" Then she fainted and Pinkie Pie cut out her intestines. She bled to death. I tried to call Twilight. Only Spike came. "What's wrong?" he said and he gasped. "Rainbow Dash!" "I'm sorry!" said Pinkie Pie. Nopony believed Pinkie. Fluttershy cried and stopped drinking her tea. "Wh-wh-why? Would you do this?" She was sobbing straight away. "Look what you've done, Pinkie," said Spike. Everypony was mad at her.
We had to call Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity right now! They weren't there. Applejack was visiting her Aunt and Uncle Orange in Manehattan. Rarity was in Fillydelphia. And Twilight Sparkle was flying around through the clouds. Fluttershy poured her tea on Pinkie Pie. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She put Rainbow Dash in a coffin. I told Pinkie Pie she was fired. Pinkie Pie just laughed. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY, PINKIE!" shouted me, Spike, and Fluttershy. Pinkie just laughed some more.
Twilight heard us shout. She came down and gasped. "Who did that?!" she said. "I didn't do it!" giggled Pinkie Pie, shrugging. Twilight Sparkle lifted the lid of the coffin. There lay Rainbow Dash. Twilight was mad. "PINKIE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Pinkie Pie was sad and walked away, never to return again. Fluttershy got some more tea.
I thanked Twilight for helping us. Pinkie Pie isn't our friend anymore! Fluttershy sipped her tea. Twilight Sparkle and Spike went to Golden Oak Library. I thanked myself. The day is saved!